[]^[] < idk how to start this one tbh
[]^[] < like shit its been another entire fucking year?
[]^[] < The body has gotten older, functionally everyone in the clocktower has gotten older.
[]^[] < Shit ive even slowly gotten out of what is either a long ass burnout recently (writing this on the 6th of the 6th baybee) or something undiagnosed.
[]^[] < this year-thing has honestly went up and down a lot.

[]^[] < like shit yeah i have fucked up a little bit (by a little its probably more of a lot)
[]^[] < sometimes that stuff comes back to haunt me and it stresses me out because what if i do it again?
[]^[] < what if i do something that gets me judged again? what if i end up being ignorant of stuff again?
[]^[] < these thoughts just, they just very much well fuck me up too often i think.

[]^[] < but thats not really why im writing this.
[]^[] < nah. id rather get these thoughts out in their place, maybe theyll drag a bit more of the bad thoughts out.
[]^[] < this year has been weird.

[]^[] < wait hold the fuck on theres a blender furality panel going on (its 4:02pm. btw whoever that avali is, can someone tell them they look cool (i missed the user title card thingy so i dont know their pronouns. i could ask in twitch chat but i kinda am writing this rn)
[]^[] < ow fuck i pinched my paw with a multi-screwdriver.
[]^[] < oh also i typed out the very first line and the last two first.

[]^[] < damn i wish i could still take photos of furality somna. please i can be trusted in the dream library, im sane and normal (probably has issues but will not destroy the books or library, just really wants to figure out the neography and possibly if its a conlang (its probably not unfortunately. actually it would be cool for there to be a panel for conlangs.) and learn that as well)
[]^[] < wait shit am i even gonna be able to access the blender powerpoint? sorray for not asking earlier.

[]^[] < also fuck being hopeless. we living up in this place lmao. however if you do feel hopeless then i hope that the hope of all those who wish for a lively world filled with weird people who will support eachother no matter what shields you from the dark and whatever gloom may be going for you.

[]^[] < btw im procrastinating on other things while writing this.

[]^[] < OH ALSO TEO IF YOURE READING THIS!!!!! hell yeah the music that you made for furality was swag!!!!!!!!! i immediately tried searching it up but couldnt find it :{
[]^[] < i also woulda said it in twitch chat but like, there was a panel going on and i might have thought i woulda sorta interrupted it (literally would not have interrupted it, the message would most likely have been skipped over)

[]^[] < WAIT FUCK I FORGOT TO DO THE PARTY DRESS DRAWING.

[]^[] < anyways enough unrelated stuff it turning this into a time capsule if anyone reads it lmao
[]^[] < wish that pastebin had a line counter though, i wanna see how much rambling im doing in this.

[]^[] < but like yeah. this year has been weird. ive realized im so many more creatures than before. hold on theres linkin park playing from furality im sorry that im going on tangents. my fucking gog its the one of the songs i have a cd for hold on. cant find it sorry.

[]^[] < ok back on track sorry. I am so easily distracted. 
[]^[] < then again, as weird as this year has been, ive kinda strived to be weirder. sometimes sorta in a larger than life way (you probably know what i mean if ive posted the art that i use as a pfp here (the four people that i couldnt detail still havent realized theyre in here i think.))
[]^[] < theres also been this kinda longing, a longing for some sort of freedom i know is coming soon. the knowledge that i have the keys to break out of where i am in a sense.
[]^[] < this bundle of echos and dreams isnt gonna stay stuck in one place for long after this i hope.

[]^[] < this thing has been somewhat of a stream-of-consciousness (i hate how i have to use autocorrect for consciousness) kinda writing. i think somna has a great set of ambience for this kind of thing. its based off of dreams right? so why not let the mind wander while writing this as one would through a dream.

[]^[] < theres no telling what species im gonna be on the bday. but im not worried, honestly i could be just about anything. i did get this prepared a while in advance. not sure if i got some music done for the day though, despite another freedom being just within reach. 
[]^[] < ok this line is like way later in the day (8:28pm) I prolly wont end up writing anything for the other days im prolly gonna use the remaining time to make some tunes cause yeah.

[]^[] < fuck pastebin. Github lets me swear without being unable to put the journal up in an accessible way

[]^[] < ok swag now we're on github. anyways Somna has been kinda comforting yknow? despite not being an attendee ive been having fun watching. future me will prolly see if the Somna space is still up, weve already seen one really good photo spot (its literally the first doorway lmao) its been helping me collect my thoughts, especially during the music. also actually yknow what i might just check again to see if that music is up. i wanna hear it again. ok yeah as of 9:07 pm its still not up. im prolly checking too fast.

[]^[] < asked anyays lol. im not unwriting parts of this journal btw.

[]^[] < ok this is now the next day (06-07), so some of the questions i have are already kinda done. back to the main hing i was gonna be saying lmao.
[]^[] < I know that ill be able to be myself unabashedly sometime soon, but while i wait for that day, ill probably stay being myself with yall.

[]^[] < hi yeah this part is now like 18 days till it should be posted. uhhhhh i dont know what to add. lol.
[]^[] < well aside from the fact that the time leading up to the 22nd is unfortunately sorta filling me with dread. anyways, im hoping i at least have something for the music done in time.

[]^[] < haha the feeling of dread is gone. this is the day before btw. anyways yeah no i literally did not get the music done lmao. finishing this up: dream operator is fucking amazing. also im gonna posibly be up till midnight to post this. because its my creation day i can ruin my sleep. lol. lmao. but its still a day. also what the fuck do you mean its been months since i started writing this. also also ,my tail i being bitten as i write this still. Gale has not put me down. gale please. gale. gale please put me down.

[]^[] < ovinn nevnai, oviss nevarei
[]^[] < Glass, lockhost of the clocktower